


where are you?

by nomorewideeyes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x10, Alec has anxiety, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, that episode is my kryptonite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:32:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomorewideeyes/pseuds/nomorewideeyes
Summary: The first glimpse of early morning light begins to filter in through the stained glass windows, and that’s when Alec realises just how long he’s been searching.How has he not found him yet?(aka that one time alec went searching for magnus, not knowing if he dead, after ol val idk killed a whole load of downworlders :/)





	where are you?

Alec turns and runs out of the room. He runs until he can feel his legs starting to become numb and heavy from racing up stairways and into previously unexplored rooms. He only stops for a second to search the ground before running some more.

The Institute is crowded, crammed with Shadowhunters and the remaining Downworlders, all equal in trying to recover after Valentine’s massacre. 

People pass him by, calling out loved ones names, searching dead bodies, choked sobs and gasps and screams around every corner.

Some people are staring at him.

No one stops him in his search to say something about the tears in his eyes, or the way his voice cracks when he calls out a name himself.

_Magnus is not dead. He can’t be._

..It’s too loud in the Institute.

Alec barges into another hallway, the lights overhead flickering. There are only a few bodies on the floor. 

He doesn’t know where he is, he’s never ventured into this part of the building before.

He can hear his heart drumming in his ears. His face feels numb.

At least it’s quieter here.

The fact that he hasn’t found Magnus yet allows some sort of hope to live on, because maybe he got out ( _please say you got out_ ).  
It also weighs down on Alec’s heart as dread and fear sink in and seize his entire being, leaving him vulnerable and alone, frantically coming up with horrible things that could’ve happened. He pushes those thoughts far away.

He doesn’t want to think about that.

He doesn’t want any of this.

He wants to make himself as small as possible, tuck himself away. He wants to shut his eyes and cover his ears and wait this horrid thing out. He wants to stop searching and just let Magnus find him.

Because Magnus is alive. He has to be.

(Although every time Alec tells himself that, he only starts to doubt it even more.)

He keeps searching anyway. 

———

The first glimpse of early morning light begins to filter in through the stained glass windows, and that’s when Alec realises just how long he’s been searching.

How has he not found him yet?

For the second time, he drifts towards his bedroom ( _old_ bedroom, at this stage) hoping that Magnus would magically appear there. 

But the room remains empty.

He stands in the doorway, clamping his eyes shut as he tries to steady himself. 

He’s made his way through almost every inch of the Institute, and yet the closest he’s come to finding Magnus was when he found a body almost hidden in shadows, back turned towards him, wearing way too familiar clothes. 

If he tried to convince himself he was okay after that, he’d be lying.

A sudden shriek from down the hall shakes him out of his thoughts, and he sticks his head out of the doorway, every inch of him praying for something, anything.

A woman is on her knees, sobbing as she clutches another girl’s limp, still body to her chest. 

Another casualty, and another loss.

It’s too much.

Alec turns back into the room, slamming the door behind him to try and block the noise out. It doesn’t work.

Anger and desperation spills out of him. He lashes out, slamming his fist into a nearby bookshelf over and over until burning tears stream down his face, his breathing ragged, something dark blooming in his chest.

_This is hopeless._

———

 

It’s officially morning. Alec is tired.

There’s still no sign of Magnus.

The building is too crowded, too loud, too _everything_ ,so Alec makes a dart for the front doors.

The only place he hasn’t scoured is outside, and if Magnus isn’t there, then Alec-

Alec doesn’t know what he’s going to do.

When he pushes his way out of the large oak doors, the winter morning air is a shock to his system. The sun beams down on him, and on any other day he’d relish the quiet moment to himself.

Now, however, his eyes search the surroundings desperately, pushing forward on the last dregs of hope. 

When his gaze is only met with Shadowhunters, his brain spirals in denial as he all but trips down the front steps, stopping at the bottom and turning to look back at the large cathedral. 

_It’s not fair._

He’s running out of breath. 

_I love him._

This is something he’s thought so many times, yet never so clearly, and it stings. 

_And he doesn’t know. He might never know._

He’s desperately trying not to fall apart. Not here. He wants to be at home. 

How could this happen? 

_I love-_

The world stops. 

Everything stops. 

There’s a hand gripping his arm. 

When he turns around, the air rushes out of him because what’s before him is too miraculous and beautiful and impossible. He grabs Magnus, and it takes too long for Alec’s liking to have him in his arms. 

Magnus’ grip is unrelenting, and Alec has no intention of letting go ever again. 

There’s a rush of explanations spoken before he finally ( _finally_ ) declares the words “I love you.” 

Magnus’ eyes spark and his body freezes, the truth sinking in, and it seems so easy for him to say the words back in a quiet voice that sends Alec reeling. 

The kiss is short lived and desperate and so filled with need. When it ends, they hold onto each other for what feels like forever, as if time had stopped (and they’d be glad if it did). 

Alec is exhausted and heartbroken and relieved and deeply, deeply in love. 

And it’s like a breath of fresh air. 

**Author's Note:**

> *no air by jordan sparks plays in the background*
> 
> will i ever stop writing angst bAHAHAHHAH N O P
> 
> oh yeah also i made a malec side blog on tumblr (how in the hell did i become this invested) to post my writing and shtuff (i’m @nomorewideeyes over there as well) so come shout at me and give me writing prompts
> 
> ALSO OML the comments on my last piece,,,, yall im cryin ilysm thanks for your support TTATT


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